Anonymous but reliable sources have indicated that John Kerry will indeed be nominated by the Democratic Convention's nomination process, but that he will "mysteriously disappear" just weeks before the election, at which time the party will put forward a new candidate, with any votes for Kerry on the ballot going to the new candidate. The Bush campaign will be unable to adequately respond to this new candidate, says the source, causing him to lose the election.Though John Kerry's name will appear on the ballot, he will be "completely unable to assume the position of the Presidency of the United States," says the anonymous source, who claims to be a high-ranking Democrat. The source had nothing to say when asked if this meant that Kerry would die, possibly with "mysterious circumstances."
Kerry's replacement will not have to be a write-in candidate, but will instead be able to himself collect all the votes that have been cast for Kerry. The precedent for this was set by the election of the wife of the deceased Missouri governor to the US Senate. Though Mel Carnahan's name was on the ballot, his wife was given the Senate seat to which he was elected.
Democratic leaders refuse to comment on the allegations, calling them ludicrous. Senate Republicans have opened an official inquiry into the matter, looking to ensure there are no loopholes that would allow one presidential candidate to be elected when voters place their votes for a different deceased candidate. Republicans believe such an event would be a "travesty to our great republic" and in fact is not a constitutionally legal event, which they would fight all the way to the highest court in the land.
