Democracy-by-hypnosis is no basis for a system of government, claim group of political scientists.
Dayton, Ohio - While George W Bush has told Americans that "Iraqis will learn to love democracy while they sleep," a group of concerned poli sci professors at the University of Dayton are warning the country that Bush's plan is fraught with inconsistencies and just plain won't work."Democracy 'While You Sleep' will not work any better than 'Lose Weight While You Sleep' or 'Learn to Program in COBOL While You Sleep'," says Herbert Van Rooften, a tenured political scientist professor at the University of Dayton. "There is little empirical evidence that any 'While You Sleep' hypnosis audio tapes actually work, much less hypnosis tapes that purport to share the ideal form of government."
The President insists that Democracy-by-hypnosis is the best bet for Iraqis. "It has become clear that overt military actions alone will not pacify Iraqi insurgents. Indeed, their resolve only seems to strengthen as we approach the June 30th turnover date. We need a breakthrough in Iraq, and mass hypnosis only makes sense."
The logistics of supplying unwilling Iraqi citizens with audio cassette tapes and players to listen to while they sleep are overwhelming. Because of this, democracy-by-hypnosis tapes will only be provided to strategic cities by coalition troops, with remaining Iraqi citizens to be softly lulled to sleep by democracy-by-hypnosis loudspeakers.
Talk radio host Sean Hannity strongly approves of the President's plan. Al Gorezeera host Al Franken has accused Hannity of "drinking the Republican Kool-aid."
Sources within the White House say that the army is brewing up large batches of Republican Kool-aid, "in case the Democracy While You Sleep" hypnosis strategy fails.
