Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Sunspots, Coronal Mass Ejections on Sun are work of terrorists

Hot on the heels of theories that international terrorists are to blame for the raging California wildfires, NASA has stolen the headlines: extraterrestrial terrorists have launched attacks on Earth, using our Sun as their weapon."Early this morning, NASA space satellites recorded one of the largest coronal mass ejections from the sun that we have ever seen," NASA Kennedy Space Center director James Kennedy announced. "Upon further examination of the video and photographic evidence, we found that an extra-terrestrial craft, approximately the size of Rhode Island, approached that region of the sun, emitted some kind of electromagnetic radiation that we've never seen before, and departed at an incredible velocity just seconds before the ejection."

Officials with NASA, in cooperation with the Department of Homeland Security, are urging citizens to react cautiously to the news. "There is no evidence that the more than 2 billion tons of solar material headed towards Earth will cause any more than temporary disruptions in communications, from a few hours to possibly half a day."

Other scientists paint a grimmer scenario: "This disruption in communications is likely to precede their invasion force. Once they've rendered our communications systems ineffective, we cannot react to their invasion in a coordinated matter," said Ralph Johnson, professor of astrophysics at MIT.

Whatever their motives are, these extraterrestrials clearly have their eyes set on Earth. We will know within a day if their intention is communication or conquest.