Anonymous Reader writes:
Scientists at the University of Arizona at Tucscon have blamed air conditioning as the main cause of cancer in the warm desert southwest of the United States.
Researchers in the biochemistry program at the university ran a study to determine what was at the root of skyrocketing death rates in the region. "When we began the study, we were at a complete loss to explain the high death rate from cancer in the desert southwest," said Philbert Johnson, professor of microbiology. "The death rate in the region is five times per capita of that of the U.S. as a whole."
Relying on forensic investigative techniques, and sometimes a little dumb luck, the scientists forged on with their research. The entire effort lasted over five years, tracking the lives of nearly two hundred people from the Tuscon and Phoenix metro areas.
"We made very thorough inquiries into all of our subjects, keeping careful track of any variables that might skew our results," Dr. Johnson announced. The variables the study accounted for were marital status, home size, number of children, number of grandchildren, number of cars, daily calorie intake, daily salt intake, vitamin and mineral intake, and golf score.
"We could find no correllations between any of these factors and the high incidence of cancer," Johnson continued. "We were practically banging our heads against the wall of our office...when it hit us -- a cold breeze."
The scientists, chilled by their office air conditioner, checked their subjects records: 96% of them had central air cooling in their households, and all but one of the rest had a window-mounted air conditioning unit.
"We went over the numbers again and again, and it just made sense: the air conditioning was killing these people. We actually had 30 people in our study group die over the course of the study."
The scientists are urging people across the southwestern U.S. not to turn up the temperature of their air conditioning, but to turn the air conditioner off completely. "We have no evidence supporting a lower death rate correllating with a warmer A/C temperature. The very presence of an operating air conditioner appears to be the underlying factor. Please, turn off your air conditioner if you value your life!"
