Skynet the wave of the Future!
Washington, DC – Senior Pentagon officials were happy to announce that years of intense research had finally paid off as the new government Supercomputer known as “Skynet” is ready for launch. Skynet will link all of the automated systems across the nation eliminating the chance for human error. While this is seen by many as a success for all, there are certain watchdog groups that are very upset with Skynet’s ability to tap into and control things as mundane and out of the military loop as your personal computer and the internet they see it as the government going to far.
“While we have not as yet announced and official roll out date for Skynet we are very excited by all the wonderful possibilities it offers,” said General Mark Williams, Assistant Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. “Eliminating human error and streamlining our command and control processes will once again make it obvious why we have the best damn military in the world.”
Senior staffers at the White House said that the president who had initially been all for the startup of the Skynet system has cooled on it recently after watching a couple of movies his daughters had rented from Blockbuster to watch on “Family Night”. While some say it is possible that the president may again reverse his position many feel it is unlikely.
“He suddenly seemed really spooked by the project,” said one Senior Bush Administration Official. “When he took a good close look at some of the stuff he started really freaking out it was pretty weird. I really thought he was going to faint when he saw the design we came up with for these cyborg things the Pentagon had designed to protect Skynet. He really didn’t like the fact that we had used Arnold Schwartzennegger as the model for the design either. He kept screaming, ‘Do you asses watch movies, or do you just ignore everything around you.’ It was pretty freaky.”
Some in the Pentagon were initially worried about this since some of the systems needing to be turned over to Skynet needed Presidential approval, such as Nuclear and Undead controls, but already some things have been turned over to the system. As yet no disasters have been reported, though there was one near miss.
“I did get one odd command the other day,” said US Marine Colonel Robert Harris at the Guantanimo Bay base in Cuba. “It told us to kill all the Cubans and then one another. We almost started doing it when a counter order came down. I’m sure they just have to iron the bugs out.”
“Once we have President Bush, or the next President on board we’ll advance forward,” said General Williams. “The President’s concerns over Skynet becoming self aware and deciding we are its enemies is extremely unlikely. Once he realizes that Skynet will not in fact slaughter the human race in Nuclear fire on a day known as Judgment Day, he’ll sign off and we can get this thing started.”
