"Most of our helicopters are actually painted with a very dark chocolate or olive matte finish," Bush contends.Seeking to calm the anxiety of thousands of nervous conspiracy-theorist potential voters across the country, President Bush reached out to them, eager to dispel the common black helicopter conspiracy theory.
"You need not fear your government," Bush spoke in a calming voice at a press conference at the White House. "There are no black, silent helicopters circling overhead your neighborhood. In fact, very few of our military's helicopters are black in color."
Bush answered press questions afterwards, explaining such things as the colors that are used to paint military helicopters.
"He seemed very candid and forthcoming," Ralph Johnston, publisher of The Conspirer quarterly journal. "But if there are no black helicopters in my neighborhood, then who marked off all the streets with ultraviolet paint in helipad landing patterns? I mean, do I trust the President, or my own inner fear? Or neither?"
Johnston's feelings were mirrored by many other members of the conspiracy theory press. While they would like to believe the President, they just can't advocate to their distrusting readers that they should vote for him in the upcoming election.
