The new signs include those listed below, some of which are out on the streets and others which are in the final stages of manufacture:
City officials were hard-pressed to provide details on what the intended effect of the new sign initiative is. "We just want people to know stuff," city councilpersons all agreed.
Card features multi-colored birds carrying cakes with the text: "Guess the time flew by... Happy Late Birdie"."I wanted to let America know that I'm still thinking about it, even if the thought has arrived a little late. But it's the thought that counts, right?" Dean posited to reporters.
America celebrated its two hundred twenty-eighth birthday this past July 4th. On that date, the thirteen colonies put forth their declaration of independence from England.
Several class-action lawsuits have currently begun in California, following the landmark decision in neighboring Oregon that movie theaters have to better accomodate wheelchair-bound people in stadium seating theaters.The class action lawsuits include:
Trial laywers have been boosted by the Supreme Court's decision not to hear defendants arguments in the movie theater stadium seating case, and have hastily assembled these class action suits in order to "cash in" on the judicial precedent.
A Los Angeles strip club patron, who refused to be named, had this to say: "I'm all in favor of treating people right. But there's nothing sexy, to me at least, about a girl in a wheelchair. What's next? Are they going to demand ramps so they can drive their wheelchairs up on my lap to give me a lap dance?"
John Kerry defends his choice in Vice Presidential candidates: "Neither a man's nipples nor the number of them should have any bearing on a presidential election."Washinton, DC -- FOX News and MSNBC have obtained exclusive photographs that each show a different superfluous nipple on John Edwards. The photo on FOX shows Edwards at a beach, with an extra nipple showing on the lower left side of his chest, while the photo running on MSNBC was obtained from an unnamed doctor who once treated Edwards; this photo clearly shows another nipple just below his right nipple.
Dermatological experts have appeared on both networks, as well as on CNN, to discuss the issue. All of the doctors interviewed agree that these photos do in fact show the presense of two extra nipples.
The Democratic National Committee, due to meet this week to formally nominate Kerry/Edwards, insists that Edward's extra nipples does not diminish his ability to lead the country in the event that Kerry should be elected and die while in office. "In fact," said DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe, "many great leaders throughout history have been known to have extra nipples. John Kerry is actually a little jealous of Edwards because of this." McAuliffe did not mention any names of the supposedly extra-nippled statesmen.
Edwards is reported to have lashed out at a reporter who questioned whether his superfluous nipples were pierced. Edwards denies telling the reporter "Up yours, bitch!" in response to her questioning, saying that it's completely untrue and his words may have been taken out of context.
A popular trend is emerging amongst writers of children's bedtime lullabyes: the use of hardcore rap music and lyrics as the basis for the songs. The League of Christian Voters has denounced the trend as sinful, while the NAACP applauds the trend for "the unique ability to expose our children in a soothing way to the struggles of the African Americans in our inner cities."
"Waldo" McCarthy can be found at this cutting edge of children's bedtime lullabye
s; in fact, many experts credit him as one of the first musicians to create this new style (several other artists simultaneously, independently began experimenting with this new style in late 1998). Waldo's seminal "Gin & Juice" lullabye, adapted from Snoop Dogg's "Gin & Juice", can be found on the Charles Balter solo album here.
Childhood development psychologists are split over whether these new lullabyes are safe or harmful for children. Some experts point out that the melodies are soothing, and that children don't even know what the cuss words in the songs mean, and can't see that the songs frequently endorse or support drug and alcohol abuse, treatment of women as sexual objects, and the glorification of criminal activities. Other experts contend that these lullabyes will only serve to indoctrinate children into this debased culture, and that the songs should only be listened to by adults, if at all.
Musicians like Waldo frequently don't get involved in the fray. "I never use the words 'children' or 'lullabye' anywhere on my album cover art or in any advertisements I produce or endorse. This is simply my art; I let people take it as they may. I certainly don't intend for people to allow my albums, or television or video games for that matter, to raise their children, but the choice is theirs."
"Over ninety percent of people with strong likelihood of developing Alzheimer's disease were able to maintain their same memory abilities over the length of the ten year study," said Joshua Robertson, PhD. "We found this particular set of results quite encouraging."
The group of scientists became interested in the abilities of common herbs and flowers to cure diseases. Robertson, the lead researcher, had lost his mother to Alzheimers, so it became the first disease to be investigated.
The actual choice of flowers was a no-brainer, say researchers. "Common sense tells you to keep it simple," said one associate researcher. "Why would people name a flower 'forget-me-not' unless it actually did aid in memory retention?"
An extract from the flower, which is common in floral arrangements, proved to be a powerful agent in preventing the development of Alzheimer's, but results were inconclusive regarding its ability to reverse the effects of the disease.
Scientists at competing universities caution that elderly people should not start eating flowers, and that investment advice to put your retirement fund money into greenhouses may be premature.
(Photo courtesy of Web of Species at Wellesley College)
"With the special Internet Explorer tracking code, Bill Gates will send
me $245 for every congressperson I send this email to!" Cheney
exclaims.Washington, DC - In addition to emails from her constituents, Dianne
Feinstein found a message from Vice President Dick Cheney titled "Fw:
PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap." After scanning it for any
Republican viruses (or 'cooties' as she likes to call them), she read Cheney's
comments:
Hi Folks,
Don't know if this will work but if it does we can all retire early.
Dick
"Immediately I was skeptical," Feinstein told reporters. "I'm not apt to
trust strange emails from Republican leaders, especially those in the
executive branch. But I must say I was intrigued, so I read on."
Feinstein could immediately tell that this message had passed through many
systems, judging by all the forwarded subject headers in the message body.
Finally, she got to the meat of the message (see entire message at end of
the story).
"Well it says her for everyone I send this to, I'll get $245 from Bill
Gates," Feinstein remarked, "and $243 for everyone they send it to, and $241
for each person who gets one from those people...wow! I could be rich! Is
it really true?"
Feinstein checked with Microsoft, and found that Bill Gates has repeatedly
made public statements that there is no such email tracking program in
place, and that he will not send anyone a check. Learning this, she got
Cheney on the phone right away.
"That just doesn't make one bit of sense, though," Cheney told Feinstein
over the phone. "Read the message -- Charles S Bailey thought it was a scam
himself, but gave it a try, and two weeks later he was twenty four
thousand dollars richer! Plus Kathy Alcoa is an attorney, and knows the law, and
she says we've got nothing to lose!"
Hi Folks,
Don't know if this will work but if it does we can all retire early.
Dick---------- Original Message ----------------------------------
From: Diane Bellwood
Date: Wed, 5 May 2004 11:25:30 -0700what the heck...
----- Forwarded by Diane Bellwood on 05/05/2004 11:22 AM -----
FROM: "Billie Bobbie Berrie"
To:
Subject:FW: FW: Fw: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap-----Original Message-----
From: Jane Poster
Sent: Tuesday, May 04, 2004 10:28 AM
To: ace; alexis; Pinsbyi; beccap; cdiamon; edgewaybev@pacific.com;
Subject: Fwd: FW: Fw: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap-----Original Message-----
From: Dana Rbackher Walczuk
Sent: Tuesday, May 04, 2004 11:51 PM
To: pattI Spence; Toni Russel; Nelson Mandela
Cc: PATTI; ryan Rodin walczuk; SONNY Boy
Subject: FW: Fw: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap-----Original Message-----
From: Earl Schlobohm
Sent: Monday, May 03, 2004 10:43 AM
To: Ron Ireland; Roger Smilestine
Cc: Bob Boxer; G whittier
Subject: FW: Fw: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Randalpf
Sent: Friday, April 30, 2004 12:36 PM
To: al; Alansky; andy; bedwards malib; charlie Rohloff; dan von Briesen;
derek M; Donald PB; glen beaton; HAZEN jamie; Jennifer mywife; Joanna
Rapf; Karen A.; RAY roy schlobohm; sean McIntee; terry TJ; Vivid Wayne; z.
Rose
Subject: Fw: Fw: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap----- Original Message -----
From: Kathleen Jacobs
To: Yvon Monetti ; Pattie Pence ; tami La Frenz ; Christina Herbage ;
Sharon Jacobs ; michael altus ; Patricia A. Banyanz ; Darci Beckel ; Rose
Braverman ; Naomi Brown ; Gina Cruz ; deedee Delgado ; Deneen Elkins ; Elly
Sent: Wednesday, April 28, 2004 8:38 PM
Subject: Fwd: Fw: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap----- Original Message -----
From: Heather French
To: carla fishe ; donna pounds ; me french ; orangish cheetah ; lye again
; kobe bryant; steve mcmann ; perla sholland
Sent: Saturday, April 24, 2004 3:55 PM
Subject: Fw: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap>From:
>To: Tiffany Lunsford, Couch burk, Shanon EPMAC, Flores I French, D
Fonseca, Cruz Blaine"
>Subject: Fw: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap
>Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2004 20:35:56 -0500
>
>Message
>----- Original Message -----
>From: janice
>To: Vancuren, Scott & Susie ; Sisson, Mike ; Singer, Charlie ; Ross,
Mary
(Work) ; McCoy, Cheryl ; Hill, Carrie (Home) ; Earsing, Dave ; Bullard,
Don & Pat ; Brady, Tom & Vicki ; Best, Shanon & Norma ; Beck, Kim & Ken
>Sent: Friday, April 23, 2004 4:52 PM
>Subject: Fw: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! asap >
> > > >Had to forward this on........who doesn't want to get
rich quick!!!!!?????
>
>
>THIS TOOK TWO PAGES OF THE TUESDAY USATODAY - IT IS FOR REAL >
>
>Subject: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>!!!! It was on the news! Kathy Alcoa - EHS Maintenance Coordinator
Phone: 767/771 - 3547 Pager : 767/420 - 6575 > >To all of my
friends, I do not usually forward messages, But this is from my good friend
Penny Sandborn and she really is an attorney.
>
>If she says that this will work - It will work. After all, What have
you got to lose? SORRY EVERYBODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I'm an
attorney, And I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and
Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing a
multimillion-dollar class action suit similar to the one fi led by PepsiCo
against General Electric not too long ago.
>
>Dear Friends; Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates
is sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent later.
Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to
make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program,
Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.
>
>When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track
it ( If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks time period.
>
>For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay
you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on,
Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it,
You will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you
for your address and then send you a check.
>
>Regards. Charles S Bailey General Manager Field Operations
>1-800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX
>292-1085 Charles_Bailey@csx.com Charles_bailey@csx.com > >
>I thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this
e-mail and forwarding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my address and
within days, I receive a check for $24,800.00. You need to respond before
the beta testing is over. If anyone can affoard this, Bill Gates is the
man.
>
>It's all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many
people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10,000.00. We're not
going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little
something for our time. My brother's girlfriend got in on this a few
months ago. When i went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game. She showed me
her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid in full"
>
>Like i said before, I know the law, and this is for real.
>
>Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which would make them the
largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the
most widely used program, Intel and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.
>
>When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can and will track it(
if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period.
>
>TRy it; What have you got to lose
>
>
>Confidentiality Notice: This e-mail message, from Children's
Hospital, including any attachments, is for the sole use of the intended
recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. The
recipient is responsible to maintain the confidentiality of this information and
to use the information only for authorized purposes pursuant to
Children's Hospital's confidentiality policies. If you are not the intended
recipient (or authorized to receive information for the intended recipient),
you are hereby notified that any review, use, disclosure, distribution,
copying, printing, or action taken in reliance on the contents of this
e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in
error, please notify us immediately by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of
the original message. Thank you.
