John Kerry defends his choice in Vice Presidential candidates: "Neither a man's nipples nor the number of them should have any bearing on a presidential election."Washinton, DC -- FOX News and MSNBC have obtained exclusive photographs that each show a different superfluous nipple on John Edwards. The photo on FOX shows Edwards at a beach, with an extra nipple showing on the lower left side of his chest, while the photo running on MSNBC was obtained from an unnamed doctor who once treated Edwards; this photo clearly shows another nipple just below his right nipple.
Dermatological experts have appeared on both networks, as well as on CNN, to discuss the issue. All of the doctors interviewed agree that these photos do in fact show the presense of two extra nipples.
The Democratic National Committee, due to meet this week to formally nominate Kerry/Edwards, insists that Edward's extra nipples does not diminish his ability to lead the country in the event that Kerry should be elected and die while in office. "In fact," said DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe, "many great leaders throughout history have been known to have extra nipples. John Kerry is actually a little jealous of Edwards because of this." McAuliffe did not mention any names of the supposedly extra-nippled statesmen.
Edwards is reported to have lashed out at a reporter who questioned whether his superfluous nipples were pierced. Edwards denies telling the reporter "Up yours, bitch!" in response to her questioning, saying that it's completely untrue and his words may have been taken out of context.
