Kerry Camp furious over ''Flip-Flop'' email from Bush Camp

The Kerry campaign has had its feathers ruffled following a Bush campaign email that encourages Bush supporters to wear flip-flops while watching the presidential debates."This is an outrageous, childish prank on the part of the Bush campaign," John Edwards, Kerry's running mate, complained to reporters. "I am sadly disappointed that the President has approved such a campaign gimmick."


Bush supporters see the issue differently. "The majority of Americans aren't politically active, and don't know a thing about the Democrat's choice for president," Michael Reagan said to his talk-radio audience. "They don't know that John Kerry can't or won't pick a position and stick with it, that his opinions change with the political winds, that he says whatever it takes to make his current audience happy. We're going to help educate those people by wearing flip-flops during the debates, as a symbol of John Kerry's opinions."


Several Kerry campaign officials have on the condition of anonymnity acknowledged that the Bush's flip-flop gimmick has the potential to do great harm to Kerry's own campaign. One campaigner said, "Kerry has been struggling in the polls to come back from the Bush bounce, and a gimmick as catchy as this one has the potential to sink Kerry's ratings even futher."


Behind the scenes, Kerry campaign officials are desperately seeking their own campaign gimmick in the hours before the first debate starts, something to counter the effects of the flip-flop gimmick -- in the time since the official campaign email went out, mass email notices have been circulating on the 'Net, encouraging everyone to tell their family and friends to wear flip-flops.


The Kerry campaign has also not ruled out filing a complaint with the Federal Election Commission regarding the email. The Bush camp argues that nothing about the email violates any federal election rules, and the FEC commissioner has issued a statement that on the surface, he sees nothing wrong with the actions of the Bush campaign, but will initiate an investigation if a formal complaint is filed by the Kerry campaign.

12-Year old blasts Kerry response to Bush acceptance speech

"That was the lame-ass-est speech I've ever heard, " says Johnathan Walker. "John Kerry sounded more desperate than my older brother is to get a date. My kid brother has better comebacks than John Kerry too."

The Kerry camp promises that "this is the last time we let John write his own speeches.""I mean, when you start off your speech practically endorsing your opponent, you lose," says Walker, referring to Kerry's opening "The election comes down to this. If you believe this country is heading in the right direction, you should support George Bush."

"And that's just the beginning."

"Like, he mentions going to Vietnam like it makes up for all his other deficiencies. And then he mentions it some more for good measure. Give it up dude, the Vietnam war is over."

"And he just sounded pissed off that Bush and Cheney and that Zell guy didn't think he had the right stuff to lead the military. He sounded way too pissy to be president, as far as I'm concerned."

"He keeps claiming 'We need to take America in a new direction. And we have a specific plan to do just that.' but when's the last time you heard any specifics?"

"Probably the worst is when he saluted and said 'I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for duty.' I bet he does that before he hops into the bed at night. Sick."

Jonathan and the aforementioned kid brother James agree that "Kerry sucks ass." Polls among their friends show his ass-suckage rating at an all time high.

Johnathan is currently nursing a large bruise on his upper arm, delivered by his older brother Ralph as a result of the desperation comment. "He deserved it," says Ralph, adding, "He'll get better."

Sit 'n Sleep admits nothing -- story removed

At the request of Peter Gellerman, attorney representing mattress seller Sit 'n Sleep, this story has been removed.Admittedly, the story, which I still believe was satire, was pretty harsh on Sit 'n Sleep. Maybe I should have made up a company and slogan, rather than pick on that of Sit 'n Sleep, which is a respectable firm, who I even myself purchased a mattress through (if I remember correctly, I can check the receipt later), even though I really did detest the radio ads they used to air. My purpose in writing the story was to amuse, not to slander the company (although I will still hold to my thought that the slogan is silly -- wouldn't it be cheaper for them to beat a competitor's price than to give away a free mattress? But a free mattress does sound better...anyhow).

Anyway, rather than summon the full legal force of Peter Gellerman upon myself, I've caved to his insistence that the story be taken down. Whether I was legally required to do so will not be determined, as I can't afford to meet Mr Gellerman in court -- maybe the story was ok legally, maybe it crossed a line that it shouldn't have. But hey, it was nice talking with you Gellerman! Let me know if this meets with your approval (call please...you know my number).