Washington, DC - Shocking the Department of Energy, and his entire Cabinet staff, George W Bush announced during his Saturday radio address that the laws of thermodynamics are complete "bullcrap" and that each and every legal citizen in the United States has the rights to free, limitless energy and the ability to break free from the Earth's gravity at will.
Citing a study be a senior staff aerospace defense engineer, George J. Bugh, Bush claimed that "It's obvious that this guy knows what he's talking about. I hear he's been studying this project for seven years. Plus, his name looks a lot like mine."
The President's radio address consisted almost entirely of an apparently pre-recorded reading with Bush's own commentary of a press release of sorts, entitled "Aerospace Defense Research finds Free Energy and Antigravity Possible." This release has been submitted to numerous online news sources, many of which have published the release in its entirety.
"There can be a hidden yet strong tendency towards harmony among all matter in the universe due to these unseen standing waves and spin interactions among all matter. This tendency can overcome to a great extent the tendency towards chaos and heat death of the universe," Bush read from the press release. Bush further commented, "Now I don't know about y'all folks out there, but I'm as afraid of dying from heat as I am from cold, so with free energy, we can all make sure we stay warm! Never again will anyone have to freeze to death! Provided they stay in a shelter operated by charitable organizations, of course, not goverment-run beaurocrats."
Bush read on: "Bugh describes inertial resistance to acceleration as caused by electromagnetic forces. Changes in position of a mass will cause phase differences to develop between the precessional motions of the particles of that mass relative to the sea of standing waves. This in turn causes electromagnetic force that resists a mass from changing its position," to which he wryly commented that it would be a shame to let those electromagnets force us to submit ourselves to our planet's gravity.
Bush encouraged listeners accross the country to purchase Bugh's book, which he named in his radio address, and urged America's scientists to pursue free energy, whatever the costs. "How many children must suffer and die in the heat death of the universe before scientists will be moved to help? Why should your President keep his feet on the ground, harnessed by Earth's gravitational attraction? Please, scientists: give me free energy! Free me from gravity's harsh pull! Free your children, let them float freely in the atmosphere! God Bless America!"
