In a radical departure from their fanatical support of animal rights and traditional pro-vegetarian/vegan diets, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have today published a list on their web site, www.peta.org, of animals that it's ok to eat.
PETA spokeswoman Rita Oppenstein explains: "We understand that our extreme views are hard for some people to swallow. Combined with our radical tactics for reducing unnecessary harm to animals, we've actually started to lose touch with mainstream America. Our newest campaign will help us to regain their support."
The list of animals for which PETA will no longer support the animals' rights includes seals, whales, shar-peis, emus, buffalos, and nearly a dozen other animals. Some animals that didn't make the cut: cows, parakeets, chickens, and pigs.
"It's not that we don't still care greatly about these animals," said Oppenstein. "We've just come to realize that we must pick our battles wisely. We can no longer expect our radicalism to reach the minds of America's youth, as well as the growing population of elderly Americans. So we've picked some animals that we felt could serve as animal martyrs, giving their own flesh to support the rights of all animals. This group of 'ok to eat' animals aren't the ugliest, but they're certainly not pretty; they're not the smartest, and they are not the tastiest -- but they will make for a good transition. We're going to ease Americans into an animal rights lifestyle, one meal at a time."
Not all PETA members support the new policy, even though Oppenstein claims it to be a temporary measure. Throughout the weekend, PETA headquarters were picketed by angry groups of ex-members. A new group was even formed in San Francisco: REPETA (Radically Enraged People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). REPETA vows to continue with the original, true intents and methods of those people who truly care for animals.
